Expressing Sympathy & Grief While Social Distancing

The Covid-19 coronavirus pandemic has had an effect on nearly every aspect of life – and also death. Since we can’t gather together in person for big funerals or memorial services, we have to find new ways to express sympathy when friends and loved ones are grieving. Here are some ideas:

Send a card (or an e-card)

While many government institutions are currently closed, the post office is still open, and it still costs less than a dollar to send a sympathy (or thinking of you) card anywhere in the country. If you don’t have a card to send – or a stamp to send it with – you can send a free e-card online. These “virtual cards” can be personalized with your own message and emailed directly to the recipient.

Make a call or have a video call

Depending on your relationship, a call may be a more appropriate than a card. Hearing a familiar voice and having a real one-on-one conversation can be very therapeutic and comforting. If you want to go a step further, a video call will let you talk face-to-face in real time from anywhere in the world. With platforms such as Facetime, Skype, or Zoom, video calls are just as simple to make as traditional phone calls. It’s a good idea to reach out via text or email before you initiate a video call to make sure the other person is prepared.

Sign the virtual guest book

Guest books are traditionally a very important part of a funeral or memorial service and serve as a record of those in attendance. They are extremely valuable to the family and make it easier for them to send thank you notes afterwards. Since many funerals and memorial services are being conducted online, it may not be possible to physically sign the guest book, but there are options for an online “virtual” guest book that you can usually find when viewing the obituary. These virtual guest books are just as valuable to the family as the traditional books and serve the same purpose, but also give you the opportunity to offer condolences, share photos or memories, and read what others have posted.

Share a photo or unique memory

Funerals and memorial services are a celebration of life and everyone in attendance had their own unique relationship to the deceased. You may have a favorite photo or story that nobody else has seen or heard before from that perspective. Sharing personal memories or photos with others helps to paint a more complete picture of the person’s life and other would probably love to see or hear it. If it’s a printed picture (from before the days of digital photography), you can simply take a picture with your phone and share it that way.

Plant a memorial tree

One long-lasting way to honor the memory of a loved one is by planting a tree in their name. Not only does this serve as a permanent, physical tribute to their legacy, but it is also environmentally friendly. Be sure to get permission if you wish to plant the tree somewhere other than your own property. If you don’t have anywhere to plant the tree, or are physically unable to do it yourself, there are places that use certified arborists to take care of the details for you. In most cases they present you with a certificate and the location of the tree should you decide to visit.

Give a customized memorial gift

There are countless options for sending a gift of remembrance to a grieving friend or family member to commemorate a lost loved one. Consider their interests and hobbies when choosing a memorial gift. It can be something as small as a wind chime or charm bracelet, or something larger like a plaque or memorial bench that many people can contribute towards. Etsy and Pinterest are full of ideas for one-of-a-kind, unique, personalized items.

Send the family a gift card or cook them a meal

Gift cards make excellent memorial gifts for the family or close acquaintances of the deceased. Despite their somber tone, funerals are a lot of work and grieving family members do not often have time or energy to cook for everyone involved. Restaurant gift cards provide a nice option for a quick meal and many of them deliver. Another option is to cook a meal or take food directly to the grieving family. Be sure to check with the family first, however, to make sure they do not end up with too much food that will go to waste.

Donate monetarily

Monetary donations are always appropriate, and most obituaries specify where requested donations should be made. They are typically associated with a group or an interest that was important to the person, but you may choose to donate in their memory anywhere you would like. If you don’t feel comfortable donating directly to an outside organization, you can always give money directly to the family and let them choose where to donate.

Don’t ignore your own grief

Despite the focus on the grieving family, do not neglect to take care of yourself and make sure to consider your own grief. There are resources available that will help you deal with feelings and grief after the loss of a friend or family member and many of them allow you to remain anonymous or put you in contact with people who have gone through similar experiences. You owe it to yourself to find the help you need.